Restless Life
by Mihoshe
Summary: Hey you guys!! This chapter actually has Sirius in it. I updated , and the chapter is long. Kinda a tearjerker for really sensitive people. Please review. THANKS!!
1. Default Chapter

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Restless Life 

(Prologue) 

" Move away, you fool!" The man sounded angry, as he pounded his fist against the wall. Harry could hear someone whimpering, but obviously not giving into the request that was just screamed at her.

Harry wanted to run to her, but he couldn't find the strength. His legs felt as if someone had mended them in the ground with lead and cement. 

"Fine. You could have prevented this. AVADA KEDAVRA!!"

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Late at night, Harry Potter shot straight up in bed. The dream still alive in his memory. 

"These dreams are getting extremely old,"he thought bitterly. He wondered if he'd been screaming in his sleep. His question was almost immediately answered.

"Harry… are you all right… you were talking in you sleep again."

"Ron go back to bed. It was only a dream. I'll talk to you in the morning."

Harry could almost feel Ron hesitating, but a few moments later he hurt the creak of Ron's bed as he climbed back in it. Then he suddenly felt a stab of guilt as he realized how cross he must have sounded. He didn't want to snap, but the dream made him uneasy. That, and the fact that he hated it when people worried about him. People seemed to think he would collapse at any moment because of a bad day or memory or whatever. They just needed to get used to the fact that he was going to get in trouble no matter what people tried to do to prevent it.

"Oh well," Harry thought with a sigh, "I'll apologize tomorrow." With that though he drifted off to a fitful sleep.

Okay, I admit, that was a pretty lame excuse for a first chapter, but it'll get better. I promise. Oh yeah, the disclaimer thingy. Okay, I don't own the Harry Potter characters (obviously, I would be rich if I did.) Please review. I will be soooo happy. And if your gonna flame, please tell me what I can do to make my writing better, other wise your time will be wasted typing it all up. THANK YOU!! 


	2. Telling

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Chapter 1

Harry woke up late that morning to find the room empty. He sat up slowly, pushing his wild hair out of his face, and went to his bureau to get changed into his school robes. When he reached for his socks he saw a note out of the corner of his eye. Harry picked it up with a suspicious look on his face. It said in a messy scrawl: Harry, Sorry about last night. It's just that it was the 3rd time this week. Has your scar been hurting? Anyway, do you think you could meet Hermione and me in front of the lake after lunch? We really need to talk to you about some things. See you then, Ron.

After reading it twice, he set it back. 

"Why would Ron need to leave a note? We have classes together all the time. He better not have told Hermione. What if he did? If they told Dumbledore? Calm down Harry, you're making a big deal out of nothing. This is nothing new." He thought. "Yeah, well then why do you have this unsettling feeling in your stomach?" He sighed. "Why do you always worry about things?" he said out loud as he finished getting dressed and went down stairs to his first class.

After about three and a half-hours of classes he was exhausted. Snape had screamed at him for dozing off and spilling the contents of his cauldron all over the floor, leaving a huge burn mark on the ground. Then Malfoy always making cracks about his family. Even Professor Flitwick was getting annoyed with him. 

The thing that was different about today was neither Ron nor Hermione was in any of his classes, which was really beginning to worry him. He shrugged it off as he made his way to the lake. He could see Ron's flaming red hair as he made his way over. It looked like he was pacing and Hermione was yelling at him. As he got closer he picked up a few words through the blowing wind and the crashes of the lake as the waves hit the water.

"Harry's getting worse…ease up on…tell Dumbledore about…?"

Her voice faded as she saw him walking towards them. He picked up his pace as they looked carefully at him. When he was near them, Ron walked up to him, with a look of deep worry sketched into his eyes. He opened his mouth, then closed it suddenly, as if rethinking what he was going to say. Then finally he began to talk.

"Harry," he said slowly and carefully, as if worried he would scare him, "Me and Hermione have been talking and… we think you need help. There has been a major change in your attitude lately. Like- you know what I mean- you snap at everyone and you just don't seem like you care about anything any more…Harry say something…"

Harry sat there staring at him. Was this all? But then words he didn't want to say fell out of his mouth.

" Why do you even care. I thought you were jealous of me. Why the sudden change, huh? Maybe you should start worrying about more important things, and stop worrying about me. I hate it when you act like this!"

Even as he yelled this, he wondered why he was acting this way. He watched Ron just stare at him and it was killing him on the inside. Harry knew he changed, he just couldn't admit it to anyone. Ron cleared his throat and gave a glance back at a confused and hurt Hermione.

"Look, I'm sorry-" Harry was cut off short by Hermione.

"There's no reason to apologize, we already know you didn't mean it. But- please don't be mad- we kind of… well we told Dumbledore about your weird moods and then we, well we owled Sirius. He said… he said he wanted to see you. Talk to you. Please don't be mad."

Harry was mad. Not at them, but at himself. Sirius was coming to see him. If he got caught it would be his fault. He wasn't mad at them. But he couldn't stand looking at their hurt, worried eyes. He simply turned away and walked back to the common room. He had to write back Sirius and tell him he OK.

Dah!! I can't find my muse. I know this chapter doesn't explain things, but my chapters are limited, and I've been sick sooooo…. Things are moving slowly. Things **_will_** get better though. Also, my muse is with my music, and my CD player is broken and I don't have time to fix it… Sorry this is so short and I know that Harry's a little OOC but… anyway, I don't own the characters, J.K Rowling does, I'm just to lazy to write a story with original characters. I'll write more soon. Please review!! THANK YOU!! 


	3. Cutting

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Chapter 2-Cutting

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Sirius,

I don't what Hermione or Ron told you, but it's not true. I'm perfectly fine. They just were worried because I was tired and snapped at them. Everything's okay now, though. There's no need for you to come and talk to me. Not that I don't want to, but it would be too dangerous and pointless. Hope you and Buckbeak are okay, 

Harry

Harry read it twice, folded it in half, and sent it off to Sirius with one off with Hedwig. Then he went and sat on his bed.

How could I have been so stupid! How come right when I change everyone takes a big fit and worries and asks me? Why!? What the fuck is wrong with everyone? Always asking questions. Wanting answers. Expecting me to know everything because I'm the "Boy Who Lived". It could have been anyone."

Harry couldn't take it anymore. There was too much anger running through him. He walked over to the mirror and looked as his reflection. He brushed his hand against the mirrored scar before slamming his palm through the glass. He knew this was a problem, he was in too deep. He felt like he couldn't climb out. He felt numb. He wanted to feel something, anything. Then, suddenly, he reached down and grabbed a large piece of the shattered glass. He looked at it with pain, pity, anger, and amusement. Then he drew it up to his left arm and slowly dragged it across. It only made a tiny bit of blood come out, so he pressed down and started sawing it into his forearm. When the blood started to flow heavily out, he seemed to realize what he was doing and dropped the glass. He just sat there, on the floor looking at his arm with tears in his arms. 

How could he have done this? He was going crazy, he just knew it. The scary thing was, he liked the feeling he got when he was cutting himself. It was like a new sense of release. It got him away from the mental pain. 

He drew his knees up to his chest and just stared. 

Harry was thinking about an excuse about what to tell people when they asked about his arm when he heard Ron and Hermione coming in the common room. He quickly did a spell to clean up the glass, but there was nothing he could do about the blood so he just prayed they didn't see it and went to sit on the couch. 

He whispered "Accio Book" and caught it as it flew toward him. He started to open and pretended to read just as Hermione and Ron walked into the room. He sighed inwardly as he thought of how close that was. They walked over to Harry.

"Look, you guys, I'm really sorry about storming off like that, but I just needed to think. I'm not mad at all. Really I'm not." Harry informed them.

Ron nodded. "We know. We just…" He trailed off and stared at the floor next to the mirror. 

"Harry? Why is there blood there?"

Okay. I'm evil so sue me. I couldn't resist though. I was listening to pearl jam's Jeremy (My CD player works. YEA!) when I was writing and that was the song I was listening to when I first starting cutting soooo…. It just kinda fit. I don't know. The bad thing is I feel evil now. POOR HARRY! Oh well. You gotta get worse before you get better. Please review. You'll make my day! THANK YOU!! I think I say thank you too much. LOL. The next Chapter will be posted soon. Oh yeah. I don't own the Harry Potter characters. 


	4. Lying

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Lying 

Harry stared at the spot on the floor that Ron was looking at. His head filled with every excuse in the book. He couldn't let Ron find out what he did. He would think he was crazy and tell Dumbledore. What really scared Harry, though, was what Sirius would think. He would definitely be worried and angry. He would want to talk to Harry and might get caught. 

Harry opened his mouth as to say something, but then closed it abruptly. Ron just kept staring at Harry as if trying to find the answer in his eyes. Harry looked back up at Ron and decided to play dumb.

" I don't know. I didn't see it before. I was just studying and then you came up and asked why there was blood on the floor." Ron looked at him doubtfully. "Honest. Maybe Crookshanks killed a mouse or something." Ron just looked back at the floor and shook his head.

"There's too much blood for it to have been a mouse. Look," he bent down to inspect it more closely, "it's still wet, Like it just happened, and it all, I don't know, thick and seeping into the carpet. Harry, it looks like it just happened a minute ago. Is there anything you've been keeping to yourself? Are you sure you don't know what happened?" Harry nodded, even though it felt like someone just thrust a fire into his chest. He hated lying to Ron. " Okay. I don't want to drop the subject like this, but I have a feeling your not going to talk."

Harry let out a sigh of relief. That was close. He was also surprised that they didn't mention his arm, let alone see it. It was damp from the blood and a darker color then the rest of the robe. They could have seen it and asked him about it, and then they would want to see his arm.

Harry walked over to the couch and dropped down in it. He wished Ron and Hermione would just leave. They kept glancing at him from the corner of their eyes as if trying to read him.

"Fat chance of them leaving." Harry thought bitterly, "They know something's wrong. They're not stupid. Oh well, I should be happy they didn't see his arm."

But something in the back of his mind told him otherwise. Maybe he wanted them to find out just so he could have someone tell him it was okay. He knew they might get mad, but he doubted that even. He knew his friends well enough to know what their reactions would be. Right? Harry was beginning to doubt this. He looked over at Ron and Hermione, still glancing at him. He noticed they looked uncharacteristically somber. There was something else in their eyes he noticed too. Was that anger?

Harry sunk back into the couch and refused to look at their faces any longer. It hurt him too much. He wondered when things got so complicated. Sure, he got into trouble a lot. He's been in danger more times then anyone else he knew. He meant so complicated with friendship. How he'd gotten into so much trouble mentally. Now he was worrying everyone.

Suddenly he remembered Sirius. What if Ron and Hermione told him about finding the blood in the common room? This thought made him heavy in the heart, and extremely anxious. 

Harry just sat there in the silent common room, trying to get his thoughts together, and tell himself everything would be OK. 

Yeah, I know. That wasn't very good. BUT I TRIED!! :: begins to sob then realizes your still reading:: Ahem. The next chapter should be up very soon, all things considering I have nothing to do in study hall. Oh yeah, the disclaimer dealy-ma-jig. I don't own the Harry Potter characters. They belong to J.K. Rowling. Please review. I'll be very happy and say "Joy" if you do. THANK YOU!! 


	5. Finding

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Finding

Harry slowly opened his eyes the next morning to find he had fallen asleep on the couch in the common room. He slowly sat up. He looked around and sighed in exasperation at seeing Ron and Hermione asleep in chairs. Shaking his head his head he stood up and tiptoed to his dorm the change into some clean robes. 

He got dressed very slowly as the memories of the last night came back to him. When he was done getting dressed he sat on his bed and thought of how his friends would act towards him that day. He knew they wouldn't leave his side and that hey would be very quiet to say at the least. Then again, why shouldn't they be? They found blood in the same room Harry had been alone in minutes before. If it had been Ron or Hermione in his place he would probably have freaked out, Harry decided. 

He pulled up his sleeve and sighed. "I really am going crazy." He mumbled as he pulled himself off the bed and headed towards the stairs. 

When he got back down to the common room he found Ron and Hermione waiting for him. Ron was wringing his hands and Hermione was staring at the floor. 

When he stepped off the last step they both looked up simultaneously. Harry glanced at them from the corner of his eye as he slowly walked toward a chair. Ron cleared his throat to get his attention.

"Harry, we need to talk."

"About what?"

"Last night."

"Look, I already told you I don't know what happened." 

"Harry blood doesn't get on the floor for no apparent reason." Hermione joined in. "I think you know how it got there." Harry just looked at the floor. He wasn't going to let them see the hurt and guilt in his eyes. Hermione obviously was getting annoyed at him not answering.

"Harry if you don't tell me how it got there Dumbledore and Sirius are going to be getting a call, so to speak."

This got Harry's attention. He looked up at her glaring, but with a hint of panic in his eyes.

"Hermione, don't do that. I already told you I don't know what happened. Maybe a-"

"Harry, I'm sick of you lying to us." Ron interrupted. "We know you know what happened so just tell us!"

"What do you want me to say!" Harry shouted, throwing his hands in the air, " Do you want me to make something up!?"

Harry knew that as soon as he threw his hands in the air he made a mistake. His sleeves slipped down his arm revealing the deeply gash in his arm, covered in the dry blood Harry ignored to wash off. 

As soon as Ron saw his arm his mouth opened up in shock and then he started for the owlery. Harry knew what he was going to do.

He was going to tell Sirius.

AHHH!!! NOOO!!! I don't own the characters. I own the plot though. R&R please. It really helps me write faster. Oh yeah. And if your gonna flame, do it in an intelligent way. Don't just say stuff like "This is crap" or "You suck". Please. THANKS!!


	6. Hurting

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Hurting

Harry stood still, stunned at what just happened. He heard Ron running and felt Hermione run past him. He wondered how this could have happened. He wondered what Dumbledore and Sirius would do. Sirius would be disgusted, he just knew it. He betrayed him. "After all he's done to protect me I hurt myself. He didn't count on having to protect me from me." He thought bitterly. " Why do they even care, huh? It pisses me off. What's the point of trying to stop Ron?" He knew it wouldn't work. All he could do was sit and wait. What for everyone to tell them how disappointed they are in him. 

He felt his knees go weak and knew he had to sit down. He had been such a coward. Just a few dreams and he flips out. What if he was in the battlefield? What if he had to stand up to Voldemort? Then he'd be having some problems. 

"I've messed everything up." He thought angrily as he put his hands in his head. "Everybody acts hateful when they realize the fact that I can't add up to all they want. I feel so paranoid. I somehow even feel betrayed. Someone should have noticed I was heading down hill earlier. Right? I can't stop what I'm feeling. I don't need all of this blame. There's a fine line between being okay and feeling as if you're burning in your own personal Hell."

Suddenly his racing thoughts were interrupted by Ron bursting back inside. He looked sweaty and pale. He was trying not to breathe hard, but failing miserably. He walked over to the chair and collapsed in it and looked directly at Harry. He started to talk.

"Harry, I'm pretty sure you know I just owled Sirius. I had to. Understand that please. It's pretty obvious you hurt yourself. Why. After everyone tried to protect you. It's all about you, you know it? Do you even care!?"

Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was his best friend calling him selfish? Not straight out, but he knew what he meant. He felt his anger finally boiling over the edge. He pulled his hands into a tight fist, breaking to skin in his palm. He felt like he could die, and it wouldn't matter to anyone.

"What do you want me to do Ron? WHAT! I've lost everything I love in my life. I finally think I'm getting better. Then I lose everything I have, everyone I know. I'm sick of all the attention, all the tension. Whenever I close my eyes I hear screams. I see rust colored blood. Then when I open my eyes, everything is dark. I'm all by myself. Can I really just sit down and deal with what's happening. I feel like I'm slipping. It's all too much to take in one lifetime. I have so many thoughts of failure. If the enemy kills me, would it be so bad. I can't hold on to any hope much. I'm out of touch with the world, I know. No matter how hard I try, I can't convince myself it'll all be OK. No one seems to want to listen to me. The only time they listen is when I mess up, and then it's only to criticize what I say. I feel so damn insane. I can't take this anymore."

With those last words he got up and ran to his room. He could hear Ron coming up behind him, but he didn't care. He said things he's wanted to say for a lifetime and he felt empty. Peaceful. But empty. He wasn't used to the feeling and it freaked him out a bit.

When he reached to dorm he ran over to his bed, and put his head in his hands. "That was a mistake." The words kept echoing in his head. He heard someone sit and the bed next to him but stayed silent. He could feel his eyes burning but refused to cry. It was weak to cry. It wouldn't solve anything. It wouldn't only embarrass him even more. He heard Ron take a shaky breath.

"How long have you been wanting to say that?" he asked questionably. 

Harry didn't answer immediately, but looked up at him with a tiny smile on his lips. It felt good to smile. He was beginning to forget was it was like. He shook his head.

"Too long." He fell silent after that. There was nothing left to say. He let his back hit to bed and closed his eyes. He was still fearful. 

After about five minutes he sat up and looked at Ron. "What exactly did you tell Sirius?"

Ron looked uncomfortable at this subject, but answered. Quite reluctantly, but he answered none the less. "I told him exactly what you did. That you cut yourself and needed help. I told him I thought… that I thought you were losing it. That everything was finally beginning to catch up with you."

Harry looked at his hands with a bitter smile and his lips. "He's going to kill me when I talk to him."

This is my personal favorite chap. that I've written so far. I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. You guys, please review. It inspires me to write better. But I can't forget those who have already reviewed THANK YOU SO MUCH!! The next chapter should be out soon enough.


	7. Dreamer

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Dreamer

Harry was standing on a black path with silver puddles scattered across it. They sky above was a rusty shade of red, with gray clouds playing across it. To the left of him was a blood colored river, flowing slowly and lazily. Straight ahead of him was a screen playing all his past memories. It looked choppy like a badly cut film. There was a strange thick mist hovering a few feet above the night colored road. To the right of him was a deep ditch.

Harry turned around to find himself face to face with a solid stone wall. His mind screaming with panic he turned around and took a step forward. As soon as his foot touched the ground, the world around him crumbled, and sent him falling at a stomach dropping speed. He prayed to God he wouldn't land on something hard; that he would be as lucky as he was when he landed on the devil's snare when he was trying to find the Sorcerers Stone.

After what seemed like hours he landed. He didn't hurt himself or even fall over. He just stopped.

His surrounding were all black. Not even a thin ray of light could be seen in the impending darkness. 

Suddenly he heard an eat-splitting scream. He turned around out of instinct, when he suddenly felt his chest burning. He reached to touch it when a spotlight shined on him. He looked down at his chest. He opened his mouth to scream, but no sound came out. There was a gaping hole in the middle of his chest. 

He looked up, his eyes squeezed tight. He couldn't breathe. Almost instantaneously he felt a foreign object inside his, ripping at what was left of his heart. He looked down to find, to his horror, a sword sheathed through him. His mouth filled with bile and blood. He watched the dark liquid flow freely from the wound. 

He felt tears of fear and pain mix with the blood on his face. He tried to cry out, but all he succeeded in doing was choke on his own blood.

He began to lean back, dizzy from the blood loss, when someone pushed him forward. He just laid on the floor when the light when off again. The last think he heard before falling into an unintended sleep was his blood dripping off his chest to the floor.

In his dorm Harry woke up with a start. He didn't even bother to wipe off the cold sweat on his face. He sat there looking at his hands. 

"That was one Hell of a dream." He thought to himself. He shuddered and hugged his knees to his chest. The pain from the dream was still lingering faintly inside him as he sat there. 

"Maybe it's a good thing Ron told Sirius about my problems. They're making me crazy."

Harry sat in his bed with his curtains close for the rest of the night.

Okay. I know it. I'm so evil. I feel horrible for writing this but it was the middle of the night, I couldn't fall asleep, and I had the sudden urge to write this. Anyway, I hope you thought it was good. I try, I really do. Please review, it makes me so happy! THANKS!! 


	8. The Talk

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The talk

Ron walked over to Harry's bed in the morning, thinking about the day before. Harry heard Ron's covered feet hit the floor as he walked closer to his bed. He subconsciously lifted a hand and rubbed his aching muscles in his neck. Harry figured he must have been thrashing around in his sleep. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to remember his dream. This was in vain. All he could remember was he was in a black room. 

As Harry was trying to remember his dream, Ron opened his curtains with a low creaking sound. Harry opened his eyes and looked up at Ron, whose eyes were bloodshot. He turned away quickly, not wanting to embarrass Ron, though he didn't seem ashamed about it at all.

"Are you hungry today?" He said it with a pleading tone. Harry could tell he wanted him to say yes. Truth be told, his stomach was begging for something to fill it. But he was afraid that if he answered to the plea, he would be sick, and Harry hated throwing up. 

Harry looked up to tell Ron no, but saw the pleading look in his eyes. He nodded. "Okay, sure."

Ron looked as if a boulder ad been lifted from his shoulders. Harry didn't know why it was so important to Ron that he eat, but he figured he just wanted him back into his regular routine. 

Harry stood up and shook his hair back. Slowly, he sauntered over to his bureau and took out a clean pair of pants, a shirt, and, since he was going to go to class today, a black robe. He got dressed quickly, but his fingers faltered a bit while buttoning up his shirt. Make that _attempting _to button up his shirt. He was still a bit shaky. "No big deal," he thought, "I'm probably coming down with the flue."

In the back of his mind he knew why he was shivery. He was still dreading talking to Sirius. He didn't know how to explain his actions. He knew he disappointed him. While everyone was running around trying to protect the "Boy Who Lived" he was sitting in the Griffindor common room, slashing his arm up. Harry was even disappointed in himself.

After finally getting his shirt buttoned up, he made his way down to eat breakfast with Ron.

Right when he got down to the Great Hall, Professor Macgonagal signaled him over. Harry held his breath as he walked over to her, thinking about what he did, or more, if she knew what he did. 

"Mr. Potter," she started with a stern look on her face, " You are not to go to your classes today. Dumbledore told me this morning that you are to stay in your common room." The stern Professor's lips formed into a thin, tight line. "He said someone wanted to talk to you about what you did." Apparently she knew. "Wouldn't even tell me who…" she mumbled bitterly as she turned away and walked back to the teachers' table.

Suddenly Harry wasn't hungry anymore. He felt like he swallowed an ice cube, and felt his face go pale. Slowly he walked to the table Ron and Hermione were sitting at. They took one look at his face and knew what Macgonagal had told him. Sirius was going to talk to him today.

Harry walked to the common room. More like jogged. He didn't know why he was moving so fast. He certainly wasn't eager to get to the room, seeing as he felt like he'd rather die than talk to him. That may be an exaggeration, but he felt like it at the time. As he was walking thoughts raced through his brain, and racked his nerves. He wished he never did what he did. It was stupid, he realized, but getting a lecture couldn't turn back the time now would it. 

He slowed his pace, along with his thoughts. He could she the picture of the fat lady already, but wasn't ready to approach it. He had a gut feeling that Sirius was already in the room. So close to where Harry himself stood. Part of him grew excited at the thought of seeing his godfather again, but the nervous part dominated his thoughts. He felt sweat forming on his brow, and quickly wiped it away with a sweaty palm. Then he started toward to picture.

When he got to the picture he said the password, stepped on the stairway leading to the common room, and started towards the shadowy light from the fire. It seemed like forever before he saw the figure of a big, shaggy black dog. It turned to look at him and it's ears lifted up slightly. The dog whined and trotted over to Harry. A few moments after the dog approached him, the dog known as Snuffles transformed into the man known as Sirius Black. 

Sirius gave a stern, but sorrowful look at Harry and quietly told him to sit. After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Sirius spoke in a voice that broke Harry's heart.

"Why did you do this, Harry?" he said in a depressed whisper. Harry turned his sight way form Sirius, and placed it the floor. He lifted his hand up and rubbed his neck, as if he thought if he massaged it enough the answer would pop up in his brain. An intelligent answer. One that would make them both feel better. It's not like Harry could say "Oh, well I was going to kill myself, but then at the last minute decided I was to scared and decided to just cut instead." Harry just shrugged his shoulders. He couldn't find the words. He felt the strong urge to run away, but thought better of it, realizing it would only hurt Sirius more.

Sirius sighed and spoke again in a soft and what would normally be a comforting voice. It just made Harry feel even more guilty. "You can tell me. I'll understand."

"Would you really?" Harry thought with a hint of anger. What he said, though was completely different.

"I don't want to bother you, but I guess you won't give up until I tell you something." Sirius smirked at this comment as if to say 'you're right'. "Do you know what I really want in life? To have a _normal_ life. Sometimes to pressure is just too much to bear. I can't stand anymore of it." Harry paused and looked over at Sirius. He nodded with a frown etched on his face, and told Harry to continue. "To tell you the truth I don't know why I did what I did." Harry looked down at his hands.

"Harry, do you realize you hurt people other than yourself?" Sirius stared straight into Harry's bright green eyes. "It kills me when you get hurt. But then when you're the one hurting yourself, all I can do is watch. I can't stop the person hurting you. I can't help you! And it rips me apart."

Harry looked down at his hands and felt tears coming. He wanted to jump up and hug Sirius like a little kid. Tell him everything would be okay. He couldn't though. He had learned over the tortuous years with the Dursleys to hide his emotion deep inside. Hidden. Him and his damn pride. 

Suddenly Harry felt a pair of thin arms around him. He realized that Sirius was giving him a hug. And crying. The Sirius that was strong enough to deal with Azcaban, and never cry infront of Harry, broke. 

Harry felt the tears he was struggling to hold back finally fall, and he was ashamed of it. He tried to hold them back, but his efforts were proven worthless. The tears kept falling. To Harry's disappointment the tears started coming faster and his chest grew tighter. 

Sirius pulled away form Harry. " We'll get through this together." All Harry could do was nod his head, with tears streaming down his face.

Disclaimer- I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. If I did I would be rolling around in my money pool.

I know, I know. I haven't updated. I've had mono and strep throat and have been extremely tired lately. This chapter was actually _long_!! I know, it's amazing. Anywho, please review. I will feel soooo much better if you do. THANKS!!! Oh yeah, and thank you sooooo extremely much to all the people who have already reviewed. I've tried my best to make this story enjoyable. I should be updating soon. THANKS!!


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